Everything
by Ann aspiring writer
Summary: She was Jane Eyre. A portrayal of one. One of the most complex female characters in literature. What she is and what she is not.


Something strange is going on in here. The whole room is expanding incommensurably, the walls seem to prolong infinitely towards a sky I can`t make out clearly. Suddenly I feel terribly, utterly alone. I remember, with a sharp sense of guilt and fear, why I`m standing in what used to be a comfortable, royal room until a few instants ago. Annie Cresta is the tribute representing District Four in these sickening games. That`s why she`s being spoiled here, given such beautiful accommodation and treated with so much care by everyone, especially Finnick Odair. Of course, he was her mentor. It was his duty to cheer her up and keep her sane enough to compete in the Arena.

Nothing more. It`s not like he would have noticed her had they not been thrown together by this excruciatingly long and painful day. Surprisingly, this hurt some more. The fact that he was somehow _obliged_ not to be indifferent towards her filled her heart with that weird feeling of distress she would get from time to time, when a particularly uncomfortable situation would prove to her that it was all in vain: people don`t like her, furthermore, people don`t need to like her. Because they already have somebody else to like, an indispensable one without whose presence in their lives they can`t carry on. "Surely, I never instilled in anyone a feeling like that" I whisper out loud "and never will. Even if the Games wouldn`t have limited my time."

That`s when I begin to cry. Uncontrollably. Until I lose track of myself, until I can`t tell whether my cheeks burn from salty tears or from shame, until I know I`m never going to stop. I`m pouring my heart out. I know how egotistic this is, but I don`t cry for my family. I know how stupid this is, but I don`t cry because of the Games. I know it`s futile, but I cry because I feel lonely, and I`ve always felt. I think of my life before this day – no one, not even Aiden, not even mother, couldn`t really understand me. My need to be a part of something, to be loved, to be appreciated for qualities I don`t even think I possess.

It`s all too much. My hand instantly grabs a delicately painted vase with artificial, colored flowers and, before I can come to my senses, I throw it full force at the wall in front of me. Tiniest pieces, just like fragments of a life shattered under so much pain, fall to the ground. I stare dumbly at the water smeared on the wall, slowly tainting the immaculate surface. Water isn`t supposed to be like that. It should clean, purify. Yet, it seems like I find a way to use even this wrong.

A lighting chasing away the dense fog. That`s the only thing on my mind. Then Finnick is rushing towards me. I can`t recall when exactly he opened the door, but he can`t have teleported himself here, right? He searches my face, probably trying to read what he should do next, his movements careful, considerate.

"I`m… I`m sorry. I don`t know what`s gotten into me." A smile. A sincere one, I can tell.

"Guess what? The first time I found myself in a room like this, for _this exact purpose_, I instantly grabbed a pillow and tore it apart with my bare hands, patting with rage."

"Wow. How savage." He feigns a disappointed expression. "And who exactly do you think you are to judge me, little Miss Original Unruly Behavior? You could have come up with something better than throw a vase. I assure, it`s been done before!" I`m smiling now, too. "Please excuse me for my unfortunate lack of creativity. Next time I have an emotional breakdown I`ll make a list with things to be destroyed first." By now, the tears have stopped completely.

"Can I touch you, Annie?" It`s ridiculous, but I feel thankful and dignified because he asked my permission to do something so incredibly simple. Finnick Odair doesn`t seem like the type of person who`d even give a damn about me.

"Yes."

He comes closer, brushing my cheek with his thumb where the river of tears that streamed freely down my face is starting to dry out on its own, then puts his arms around me and envelops me in a comforting and delicate embrace.

"I like your voice, Annie. It`s natural, small, afraid, but impossible to tune out."

"Why are you doing this?" I ask, indebted once again by his unusual, yet welcome display of kindness. "Didn`t you pay attention to what I said? You`re the siren. I`m the foolish, helpless sailor. Don`t tell me you`ve never heard the legend. After all, you`re from District Four." Even though it`s a joke and I do nothing but chuckle lightly, it strikes me that, for the first time in years, someone answered to my almost inaudible, whispered call.

We stand there, two columns that should have remained parallels. Instead, they chose to intertwine, to hug, because one of them needed it, right now, more than the other. But how I longed to be able to do the same for Finnick one day, if he`ll ever need it too.

"So, you don`t like the room anymore? You seemed happy, the bubbly sort of happy when I left."

"There`s no problem with the room, or at least there _was _no problem with the room" I say, pointing at the broken pieces on the floor, "but then it struck me out of nowhere. Why I really am here. What I will be forced to do in a few days. And I couldn`t take it."

"Listen, Annie. It would be futile and fake to tell you that everything`s going to be all right. Nothing will ever be the same again. Nobody comes out of the arena safe and sound. But it **is **true that I will be there for you whenever something like this occurs. I will put aside what I have to do, or at least I will do this as much as is humanly possible to make sure you keep it together. Alright?"

I bury myself into his chest without the slightest hesitation. Maybe I am pathetic for constantly needing a stranger so much, but it`s my little means of comfort. "I hope you won`t be to mad, but I have to say this. You remind me of my mother." He burst into laughter and rhetorically questions: "Finnick Odair, the motherly figure? Well, no one ever said that to me, for sure. I`m usually what any mother in her right mind would tell her daughter to avoid, if she wasn`t herself too in love with me." He smirks. "Yeah, sure. Flatter yourself some more." I roll my eyes.

"So, shouldn`t we go to diner. I don`t know what diet you think you`re following, though you definitely don`t need it, but I`m starving."

"We stayed like this for…two hours?" I mutter in total disbelief. "Yes. How time flies when you`re with me, right? Come on."

He leads me to the dining cart. Seems we`re late, because everyone is seated at the table, eating. Vivienne looks reproachfully at us. "What will this world become if people keep on ignoring punctuality?"

"Sure, Vivienne, first world problem. Poverty, starvation, killing can be left aside. But showing up 10 minutes late cannot be forgiven" Finnick snaps and everyone stares at him uncomfortably. "We had more important things to discuss that don`t concern any of you. So, no, I`m not going to apologize. Now, let`s go on with diner." The old woman, Mags, attempts to start a conversation, but even she can`t disperse the tense atmosphere. She seems very nice, smart and wise. I wonder if she resembles my grandmother, the one I never met. Mother told me she was very close to her and that she would have loved me dearly. Another missed chance.

At school, we were once asked to write an essay about what we thought one of the large Banquets given by the Capitol was like. The food I described in my essay was nothing compared to what had been laid before us, in this high-speed train meant to take us to the Capitol. I can barely take in all this waste. The whole concept is just awful – stuffing kids with luxurious food like waste doesn`t even matter then forcing them to fight to their deaths for the audience`s amusement.

"You know, a little food won`t harm you. You can eat as sporadically as you want, but please eat something." Finnick`s voice discloses the same disgust I felt. But why? On TV, he seem to be enjoying himself with everything the Capitol has to offer. I`ll ask him later, I`ve decided.

"Do you want to try a chocolate muffin, Annie?" I smile. "Yes. Thanks, Mags."

"You`re welcome, dear." During the rest of the meal, I eat ten or more muffins. "I could stuff myself on this for the rest of my life" I tell Finnick, who`s been watching amusedly while I was eating the last one. "I wouldn`t mind that, too. If you`d left something for me. But now, I just have to do with sugar cubes." He pops one in his mouth, a delighted expression on his face.

"You two, careful with the sweets intake. You`ll throw up."

Finnick comes closer and whispers in my ear. I feel the familiar blush start to spread on my face. I look at him and he winks. He teasingly puts a sugar cube in my now open mouth and I let it dissolve slowly, feeling a little foolish. Mags and Aiden start to laugh and even Vivienne smiles a little.

How weird I didn`t take much notice of Aiden up until now. He sits on the chair right in front of me. As our eyes meet, he raises his eyebrows questioningly. I shrug and my smile gets a bit wider, if that is even possible. Guess he didn`t expect that of innocent and introvert Annie, unable to lift her eyes from the plate if there were more than three people around. Yeah, I`m surprised too.

After dinner, we have to go to the Circle Room and watch the recaps of the Reaping day. I slump on a huge sofa, motioning Aiden to come sit next to me, Finnick comfortably taking the other spot near me. "You probably already know, but I have to tell you to brace yourselves. Districts One and Two are bound to be menacing, with a bloodthirsty look in their eyes and colossal heights. Don`t be too intimidated, they don`t win every year. There are other things that matter besides physical force." I have to admit. For a nineteen year old, he speaks most eloquently. I almost believe him.

Of course, he`s right. They _are _huge and look like they could easily kill someone if they had to. Look, there`s me, in the snow white dress I`m still wearing, my pale face constricted with fear. Aiden looks much more confident. Of course, I know it`s all a mask, but at least he has the self control to seem prepared for this. I, on the other hand, I`m fainting. I bury my face in my hands, thinking I`ve just earned the number one spot on everyone`s to kill list.

"It is in fact a good strategy, Annie. They don`t really know you. They are likely to believe you`re a perfect actress who tries to appear weak then prove herself an experienced competitor" Finnick comments.

"He is right, Annie. You seem too mysterious. They`ll figure out there`s more to you than that." I can`t believe my ears. Do they actually believe it wasn`t all a total mess?

"Thank you both."

Next moment I realize that Aiden tries to make me feel better. He doesn`t have to. We`ll be thrown into that Arena soon and, in there, anything can happen. But he`s still by my side. My best friend, always trying to cheer me up and make me smile.

I`m flooded with gratefulness. I hug him tightly, keeping him close to me, because he needs to know that, in spite of the Games, he`s still there, a part of my life I`m going to hold onto for as long as I got left. When we let go, his eyes are filled with tears.

"I`d… I`d better try to get some sleep. See you in the morning Annie. Goodnight, Mr. Odair." He stands up and leaves and I notice there isn`t anyone else in the room except Finnick.

He seems deep in thought, like he didn`t even hear Aiden bid him goodnight.

Suddenly he speaks.

"So…"

**Another update. I need to ask you – do you want Annie to make a good impression at the Parade? **

**And how about her and Finnick? You want me to develop their feelings slowly( which I prefer - I mean, just friends for the time being ) or rush a bit? **

**Reviews are welcome.**


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